Grey

Yesterday wasn't a Thursday, it wasn't a good day.. It was just a grey dull day.

I wonder what's up with this world. When did everyone become so damaged and broken? When did we stop talking? Why did we stop talking? Why do people believe they're alone? Why do we ignore the sadness that chains us down more and more?

But why do people leave? Good people? Why do people grow apart? Everyone keeps saying "don't try to understand" but how can I not try? Obviously I want to know to help me accept this. It's hard on my heart, on everyone's heart. Sometimes I feel like my heart is too small for such a big world full of hurt.

An applicable poem:


Do not stand at my grave and weep - Mary Elizabeth Frye

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints in snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.

for a friend gone too soon

<3 J

Those breakout moments

One of our main downfalls as people is the inability to express ourselves. A select few people actually have the balls to say a thing like it is.

I don't know if the rest of us are scared to hurt someones feelings, or we might be too scared to take that leap of honesty, fearing that we won't be prepared to stick the landing.. Whatever the reason... We hate hearing the truth as much as speaking it. Because apparently it's fine to leave someone in their own illusions now..

What's the worst that could happen? They get mad, big deal.. I would rather be hated for being honest than loved for being fake. It's an easy way to seek out the people who belong in your life, if your opinion matters to them, their company should matter to you.

Just don't try changing someone, or changing for someone, I know those breakout moments where you just want to attack someone to make them understand because being subtle never works, but try not to do that and give your mental well being a break. The real you will find the right company.

It's your life to live.

All of us enjoy approval. You can't deny it. You might say you don't care, but all of us care that little bit.

The problem  is that different people have different opinions, thus it would be a challenge to keep everyone happy the whole entire time. It would be impossible really.. so just don't.

The last time I checked, I was living MY life. MY religion, MY lifestyle, MY choices, MY everything. Face it, people will be disappointed in you, and you in them. The main thing you have to remember is that your own approval is the only thing that matters.

Stop searching for approval where it will never even matter in the long run. Stop caring so much, set your soul free and just be happy, because..

 

YOU ARE ENOUGH. Now believe it.

Farewell 2013

It's the last day of 2013. Tomorrow it all starts up again. back to work, back to school, back to real life.

We all have a few New Years resolutions that we probably won't see through.. Just like every year before this one. But if you are one of the select few that actually follow through with resolutions, congratulations. It's funny how most people think they can only try resolutions after New Years. Resolutions aren't seasonal, you can make them at any time.

If the word "resolutions" places your dreams on a pedestal too high to come by, call it something else, like goals, or dream accomplishments or whatever you want really. Write them down if you think it will help and just be positive about it. When one door closes another one opens.

Make it one of your goals to not give up on at least one dream change. Give it your best shot, you've got nothing to lose. Except if you want to lose weight.

HAPPY NEW YEAR DEAR READERS! Thank you for all the support.

This one is dedicated to every single person that felt my strange nuggets of wisdom helped them in some way. <3

Change

I had the urge to write tonight, but I don't really know what I want to write today. I guess I'm going to be all nostalgic about this year.

Or the  past few years... I have these moments where I look back on my path and reflect on how stupid, or how wise I was or still am. Change is inevitable, everyone knows that, even if they cannot accept it in their lives.

All of us have changed in one way or another over the past 5 years. The part that confuses me a bit is the fact that I personally didn't even know that I was constantly changing. Obviously I didn't receive a text reminding me that I won't be the same as I was last month. I have changed in ways and I have stayed the same in ways, which makes me wonder what it all means.. Sayings like "change is good" and "never change" confuse me. It depends on what changes and what stays the same, but then again, I don't know everything in life, so who am I to decide what's good or bad?

Personally I think change is good and we have the power to make it great with the right point of view and an open mind. I'm off to university next year, so change is a constant subject in my head.. I'm excited about the changes to come because my life was starting to feel like a routine without end.

I am scared, obviously. But I know everything will work out as the universe wants it to, I am just going along for the ride, the adventure, the experience and for the fun.

It's been a while

It has been a month since my last post! here's a quick update on it all.
I finished high school, exams weren't hard, I didn't study that much, I am officially done with the orchestra, I went on 2 matric breakaways. Both were pretty kickass. And Madiba passed on.

Nelson Rolihlahla Mandela, Madiba, Tata.
Here in front of me lies your book.
Your story, your life in a page by page look.

You changed so much in your long walk,
people fell silent when they heard you talk.

Father of the nation, known by all.
You are such an idol and you will always stand tall.

The long walk to freedom has come to an end.
You are now free, hush now Madiba.

Rest now international friend.

-ABC

Not everyone liked Madiba, that much I know.. You have your opinion, and I have mine.. No person can be called perfect (except Kanye West.. but he calls himself perfect, thus making him an asshole)

Don't judge someone's past if you haven't even thought of yours.

The Final Countdown

I am in the middle of my final exams. Already.

When 2013 started I was pretty excited about finishing school, I still am, but I am a bit anxious now. In about 2 months I will begin with university, you know that place where people get their degree and go to "Lectures" and become adults, I know this sounds very immature. I don't care, if there's a time to be immature it's now, and it's basically over.

I went to the university (after almost dying at my blood tests) to hand in my contract, then it hit me: Holy crap this is happening. I don't know why I'm shocked or surprised or whatever you would like to call this emotion. I mean it's not like I thought I'd be in school forever, but I wasn't bargaining that it would end this fast. Especially high school, I never liked school, but it was like an illusion of safety from paying bills and going to work and all that stuff.

I do remember feeling like this once, before high school, and I survived that mostly apart from evil teachers and hell-bred teenagers. I know you can't really compare highschool and university, but if I survived school I will survive university, one way or another.

I can't wait to meet new people and experience new things though because the last part of high school was like watching a bad reality show on repeat. I have 6 tests left. 6 until I'm free from school and uniforms. 6 until I am free from a selected few teachers. Just 6, if I pass that is....

KIDDING.

My mom would kill me, she really would.