A morbid tone

I hate my emotions sometimes.. I'm happy, I cry, I'm angry I'm a bitch... All in like one day, no it's not just being a teenager or PMSing.

I think my brain might be overloaded with crap.. Let's review. (clears throat) I'm trying to pass matric./ Senior year. I'm stressed about my friends. Band practise is like everywhere, every minute. My grandpa's alone since his wife died - not my gran(long story) I'm worried about next year, will I make it?? am I going to make my mom proud? Am I ever going to sleep again?? will I be able to do what I dream of doing one day??

Will I get a husband? or even a boyfriend-still haven't had one of those... Will I have kids?? If I do, how many? Boys or girls? how many pets will I have? what kind of phone will I have by the time I'm 50? If I even get to that age?

Then I remember... Holy shit, calm down you do not have the power to decide all these things right this minute. That freaks me out because I like being in charge of stuff and knowing what's coming next... But right now I have no idea.. I should get used to this, life is to expect the unexpected.. That and karma.. "Welcome to Life, may I take your order?? oh wait, this is karma, you get served what you deserve.. Don't piss her off, she's feisty.

Get used to not being in control of EVERYTHING. Things just can't work that way. Deal with it.

Excuse the morbid tone of my words. Everything just sucks right now.

The final curtain call

Nationals for the orchestra is happening today. I imagined the day would be chaotic and busy and hot.

Boy was I wrong. As we all know life can be quite a bitch, I have Laryngitis all of a sudden. So now I am laying on my bed with a respirator and an oxygen mask. Just to make things overly dramatic. Today is the last chance that I will have to be a part of my orchestra at Nationals.

Luckily I am going. I have Lots of meds on my side thank pharmacies!! One way or another, I will take my bow and have my final curtain call

I wanted to go out with a bang, but considering the unforeseen circumstances, I will be going out with a whisper..

Miscommunications

In this screwedup life, we have allowed ourselves to become set on people's opinions.

Since people are conniving bastards, they love to create more drama in situations where everything could have turned out just fine. I'm pretty sure doing that should be classified as a serious ailment or something.

Stuff like that just isn't normal! Why would you want to create more drama on purpose? And people wonder why I get anti-social... I've managed to figure out how to avoid becoming a part of the artificial drama, just don't talk,  at all, ever.
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Drama will always find a way to bite all of us in the ass. You just have to bite back. Hard and full of confidence. ♡ Don't let people define you who aren't even worth the air under your foot.

Legal

I am 18 today. It feels like 17 just +1.

It was a great day apart from writing french. And seeing a horrid child. I received most of my presents on my party, but I got a watch from my mom and some gaga perfume. She really gets me. I don't feel any different, just happy to be closer to finish school. I hate it so much, I could literally cry.

I also received some earrings from my matric farewell date. Little silver hoops. I love earrings! That explains all my ear piercings, I have 7 now. Anyways! I am another year older and on my way to live life, the real one. And I can't wait to live the life after school. I need some new people around me.

What a night!!!

The big party finally happened! Our joint 18th and 21st was a success in my eyes.

People wore costumes, they loved the decorations and the vibe was just right! The course of drinking went well for me: Soft drinks, ciders, champagne, shooters and then back to soft drinks and repeat.

I went as Morticia Addams! I wore a cool itchy wig and a creepyish black dress. The wig was short lived. After the wig was booted, everything started happening very fast. My mom made a toast and we started dancing as if it was the last time. The smoke filled the air, the lasers made cool patterns, the UV light made the world a shiny shade of blue and the other lights danced to the rhythm of my favourite songs.

I got to a stage where I just wanted to laugh. We laughed for nothing and danced for everything. I can't dance by the way. So you better believe we had some serious fun. When I woke up today, I was in serious pain from all the dancing. The sun was shining too bright as well. I did a run through the house and I am proud to say, we didn't break anything at the after party, and surprisingly, my house was fairly clean and human friendly too! Apart from the fact that it smelt like a bar and cheap cigarettes.


Overall, it was a good night, apart from a setback. I would do it again, and warm up at least, and I would give my body a break.

Halloween is coming early this year..

18 and 21.. Something wicked this way comes

In the mitts of the exams, fights and teenage moments.. We still made some room for birthday celebrations. My brother is turning 21 tomorrow and I'm turning 18 Wednesday. That means I can do everything I've been doing for the last few years, just legally, and my brother can do everything he's been doing legally in America too!

The theme is Halloween, I love creepy crawly ghouls and ghosts. In the area that I live, Halloween isn't celebrated unfortunately.. But when we decided to have the party I took advantage and made my mini Halloween dream come true. We had the sound, but today we added the lights, lasers and the smoke machine, to get the vibe all creepy!

I am so excited for this party! I almost had a selfie attack with my costume. But I want it to be a surprise! Depending on how the night goes I'll post pictures, or I won't. You know before your birthday everyone asks you what you want? Yea people keep asking and I have no good answers.

Usually I have a good idea of what I want, but I recently discovered that I am one of those people who get everything they want. I'm still deciding on if it's a good or a bad thing. So far it has been pretty good! I'm sure my party will go the way I want it to go, well I'm hoping it does!

But if it doesn't, I won't go Lucifer on anyone like the kids on  My Super Sweet 16 do. In my house, you will suffer if you even dare.

Happy Early Halloween! 

People

I have a problem. People.

I am pretty sure that my body language lets a person know if I like them or not. I guess some people can't read body language for shit. It's quite annoying. Why would you try to be buddy-buddy with someone who obviously has no interest in being friends or even civil with you??

I don't understand that at all. Are you that dumb? Usually I would give a person a chance before I move them to the category of the air beneath my foot. If someone lies to me, spreads rumors about me or insults me the entire time or even says a word about my friends, I don't see why that is a relationship that should survive. 

If you think you'll be able to work yourself up the foodchain by talking crap about the only people who were willing to be your friends in the first place, you are gonna get a big nasty surprise. It doesn't work that way here.

I used to give people a few chances, but that hurt too much so I got over it and started getting all bitchy. Life's a bitch, so I joined in.

The Loneliest Heart In The World

On TV screens and magazines she is a desirable star, but on the inside, if you really looked hard to see her on the inside, you would see that she just might be the loneliest person on earth.

The lifestyle of the rich and the famous might seem glamorous and great, but somehow after this past weekend, I'm starting to understand something that they probably want us all to understand. They are people too. They have families too. They also get depressed, they even cry off camera.

There's this actress. She is beautiful, glamorous looking and always smiling, but I caught her in a moment. She was smiling, but the sad kind of smile. The kind you have before you want to cry.. She is older now.. And alone. It makes you wonder if the rich and famous life is really that fun.

I would rather be a nobody with a someone than a somebody with no-one