Never back down

After reading my latest blogposts, I realised that I am being so negative and pessimistic that I am actually surprised no-one has thrown me with a grenade yet. I mean, seriously.... Moaning about everything like me really does not help.

I am not saying that we should try ignoring all the bad stuff that happens, but we just have to shift the focus to anything that makes you smile. Whatever it is, just do it, allow yourself to be happy. I am overcome with boredom when I think about everything that's wrong with the world.

My mom always says that everything is the way it's supposed to be at any given time. So I think bad things are just a buildup to something great, or a lesson, or just for your own good. So many people carry the weight of the world on their shoulders and they really don't have to.

Because if you are too emotionally involved in things you can't change, you will never experience the feeling if being high on happiness. If you are stressing yourself out about something, just ask yourself if it's going to matter in 10 years, a few of my problems became mere challenges. So life, bring it on, challenge accepted!

You are alive, you are here, now go out into the world and be whatever you want to be. There are no boundaries for a passionate soul.

Love and happiness x

No good news?

So when was the last time that you saw the news with anything positive? Like big news, not weird stuff like a mutant mom that just gave birth to 8 kids that came out of the womb singing "we are family."

Bombs, guns, death and corruption is the new craze and everybody's trying to keep up. I am aware that things are not great in South Africa, but lately with all the shitty news around the world, every small terrible detail of my country becomes scarier and unbearable at times. The latest news that threw me off life's roller coaster was about two boys. Four and five years old.

Both were taken during separate hijackings.. Just one survived. The five year old was dropped off by the thieves, the other one's foot was caught in the seat belt and he was dragged next to the car and he died soon after. The woman just wanted her child. But those thieves were too heartless to even try helping. It makes you wonder were the moral ethics got lost in the mix.

Who even does that?? What is wrong with you? what went so wrong in your life that makes stuff like this okay? Whether it was on purpose or an accident is irrelevant. Murder is murder. Life is made up of choices. Some are shittier than others.

There is no good news that's good enough to make the bad news less grim... And in other news a 9-year old boy married a woman of 62... Way to go SA..

But all of that being said, let me know if one of you find a country without bad news and bullshit... Want ons is proudly South African

Peace

I have not blogged in a while. Things have been crazy with the whole university vibe and all the other issues life throws at you.

I don't want every post to be so negative, but it has become difficult. I could always lie and say everything is fine, my grades are all up, I have a steady boyfriend, we're getting married next May etc. etc.... But where's the creativity in that?

I don't want to be another copy of a delusional reality that everyone wants to believe in because their true realities are so messed up that they choose to stay in the dark. People always say they wish they could run away from their problems, that doesn't even make sense to me. Running away will only create a distance between you and the issues.

Which doesn't get you any closer to happiness, depending on what you believe happiness is. Everyone has their own version. I don't believe there is something like true happiness. But I do believe that there is something like peace. An inner peace that you reach when you accept the fact that you can't be in control of everything. I'm still trying to reach that point, it takes a strong person to just be okay with life and all its baggage.

Clueless

I keep thinking my heart is too small for this world. If someone close to you, ever hurt you, would you confront them?

I wouldn't, that's why I am a coward. I keep letting people into my heart like it's a boarding house. The problem is that the people leave, but I keep expecting them to "be there" for me. Call it silly or stupid, but I think it's really called being naive. When people disappoint me without any excuse, I actually make up excuses for them.

How sad is that? I have recently been confronted with issues, events and disappointing people that I can't make up excuses for anymore. It actually hurts that I have started giving up on people. If this is what they call "growing up" take me back to the days where my biggest worries were being awake on time for my cartoons. Take me back to playing with dolls, laughing and not wondering what's in the future or looking over my shoulder at the things I did and didn't do in the past. 

So I am growing up. Great. If anyone knows how to make this horrible time pass. please just let me know. I usually have all the answers. But this time I am clueless, just like that stereotype. 18, clueless and regretting that I wished my childhood away so fast.

Grey

Yesterday wasn't a Thursday, it wasn't a good day.. It was just a grey dull day.

I wonder what's up with this world. When did everyone become so damaged and broken? When did we stop talking? Why did we stop talking? Why do people believe they're alone? Why do we ignore the sadness that chains us down more and more?

But why do people leave? Good people? Why do people grow apart? Everyone keeps saying "don't try to understand" but how can I not try? Obviously I want to know to help me accept this. It's hard on my heart, on everyone's heart. Sometimes I feel like my heart is too small for such a big world full of hurt.

An applicable poem:


Do not stand at my grave and weep - Mary Elizabeth Frye

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints in snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.

for a friend gone too soon

<3 J

Those breakout moments

One of our main downfalls as people is the inability to express ourselves. A select few people actually have the balls to say a thing like it is.

I don't know if the rest of us are scared to hurt someones feelings, or we might be too scared to take that leap of honesty, fearing that we won't be prepared to stick the landing.. Whatever the reason... We hate hearing the truth as much as speaking it. Because apparently it's fine to leave someone in their own illusions now..

What's the worst that could happen? They get mad, big deal.. I would rather be hated for being honest than loved for being fake. It's an easy way to seek out the people who belong in your life, if your opinion matters to them, their company should matter to you.

Just don't try changing someone, or changing for someone, I know those breakout moments where you just want to attack someone to make them understand because being subtle never works, but try not to do that and give your mental well being a break. The real you will find the right company.

It's your life to live.

All of us enjoy approval. You can't deny it. You might say you don't care, but all of us care that little bit.

The problem  is that different people have different opinions, thus it would be a challenge to keep everyone happy the whole entire time. It would be impossible really.. so just don't.

The last time I checked, I was living MY life. MY religion, MY lifestyle, MY choices, MY everything. Face it, people will be disappointed in you, and you in them. The main thing you have to remember is that your own approval is the only thing that matters.

Stop searching for approval where it will never even matter in the long run. Stop caring so much, set your soul free and just be happy, because..

 

YOU ARE ENOUGH. Now believe it.