Peace

I have not blogged in a while. Things have been crazy with the whole university vibe and all the other issues life throws at you.

I don't want every post to be so negative, but it has become difficult. I could always lie and say everything is fine, my grades are all up, I have a steady boyfriend, we're getting married next May etc. etc.... But where's the creativity in that?

I don't want to be another copy of a delusional reality that everyone wants to believe in because their true realities are so messed up that they choose to stay in the dark. People always say they wish they could run away from their problems, that doesn't even make sense to me. Running away will only create a distance between you and the issues.

Which doesn't get you any closer to happiness, depending on what you believe happiness is. Everyone has their own version. I don't believe there is something like true happiness. But I do believe that there is something like peace. An inner peace that you reach when you accept the fact that you can't be in control of everything. I'm still trying to reach that point, it takes a strong person to just be okay with life and all its baggage.

Clueless

I keep thinking my heart is too small for this world. If someone close to you, ever hurt you, would you confront them?

I wouldn't, that's why I am a coward. I keep letting people into my heart like it's a boarding house. The problem is that the people leave, but I keep expecting them to "be there" for me. Call it silly or stupid, but I think it's really called being naive. When people disappoint me without any excuse, I actually make up excuses for them.

How sad is that? I have recently been confronted with issues, events and disappointing people that I can't make up excuses for anymore. It actually hurts that I have started giving up on people. If this is what they call "growing up" take me back to the days where my biggest worries were being awake on time for my cartoons. Take me back to playing with dolls, laughing and not wondering what's in the future or looking over my shoulder at the things I did and didn't do in the past. 

So I am growing up. Great. If anyone knows how to make this horrible time pass. please just let me know. I usually have all the answers. But this time I am clueless, just like that stereotype. 18, clueless and regretting that I wished my childhood away so fast.

Grey

Yesterday wasn't a Thursday, it wasn't a good day.. It was just a grey dull day.

I wonder what's up with this world. When did everyone become so damaged and broken? When did we stop talking? Why did we stop talking? Why do people believe they're alone? Why do we ignore the sadness that chains us down more and more?

But why do people leave? Good people? Why do people grow apart? Everyone keeps saying "don't try to understand" but how can I not try? Obviously I want to know to help me accept this. It's hard on my heart, on everyone's heart. Sometimes I feel like my heart is too small for such a big world full of hurt.

An applicable poem:


Do not stand at my grave and weep - Mary Elizabeth Frye

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints in snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.

for a friend gone too soon

<3 J

Those breakout moments

One of our main downfalls as people is the inability to express ourselves. A select few people actually have the balls to say a thing like it is.

I don't know if the rest of us are scared to hurt someones feelings, or we might be too scared to take that leap of honesty, fearing that we won't be prepared to stick the landing.. Whatever the reason... We hate hearing the truth as much as speaking it. Because apparently it's fine to leave someone in their own illusions now..

What's the worst that could happen? They get mad, big deal.. I would rather be hated for being honest than loved for being fake. It's an easy way to seek out the people who belong in your life, if your opinion matters to them, their company should matter to you.

Just don't try changing someone, or changing for someone, I know those breakout moments where you just want to attack someone to make them understand because being subtle never works, but try not to do that and give your mental well being a break. The real you will find the right company.

It's your life to live.

All of us enjoy approval. You can't deny it. You might say you don't care, but all of us care that little bit.

The problem  is that different people have different opinions, thus it would be a challenge to keep everyone happy the whole entire time. It would be impossible really.. so just don't.

The last time I checked, I was living MY life. MY religion, MY lifestyle, MY choices, MY everything. Face it, people will be disappointed in you, and you in them. The main thing you have to remember is that your own approval is the only thing that matters.

Stop searching for approval where it will never even matter in the long run. Stop caring so much, set your soul free and just be happy, because..

 

YOU ARE ENOUGH. Now believe it.

Farewell 2013

It's the last day of 2013. Tomorrow it all starts up again. back to work, back to school, back to real life.

We all have a few New Years resolutions that we probably won't see through.. Just like every year before this one. But if you are one of the select few that actually follow through with resolutions, congratulations. It's funny how most people think they can only try resolutions after New Years. Resolutions aren't seasonal, you can make them at any time.

If the word "resolutions" places your dreams on a pedestal too high to come by, call it something else, like goals, or dream accomplishments or whatever you want really. Write them down if you think it will help and just be positive about it. When one door closes another one opens.

Make it one of your goals to not give up on at least one dream change. Give it your best shot, you've got nothing to lose. Except if you want to lose weight.

HAPPY NEW YEAR DEAR READERS! Thank you for all the support.

This one is dedicated to every single person that felt my strange nuggets of wisdom helped them in some way. <3

Change

I had the urge to write tonight, but I don't really know what I want to write today. I guess I'm going to be all nostalgic about this year.

Or the  past few years... I have these moments where I look back on my path and reflect on how stupid, or how wise I was or still am. Change is inevitable, everyone knows that, even if they cannot accept it in their lives.

All of us have changed in one way or another over the past 5 years. The part that confuses me a bit is the fact that I personally didn't even know that I was constantly changing. Obviously I didn't receive a text reminding me that I won't be the same as I was last month. I have changed in ways and I have stayed the same in ways, which makes me wonder what it all means.. Sayings like "change is good" and "never change" confuse me. It depends on what changes and what stays the same, but then again, I don't know everything in life, so who am I to decide what's good or bad?

Personally I think change is good and we have the power to make it great with the right point of view and an open mind. I'm off to university next year, so change is a constant subject in my head.. I'm excited about the changes to come because my life was starting to feel like a routine without end.

I am scared, obviously. But I know everything will work out as the universe wants it to, I am just going along for the ride, the adventure, the experience and for the fun.