Certain People

When you meet certain people, they stay in your head.

Today, I want to write about him. I only met him once, and I'll never see him again. I won't say where I met him. But when I did, it was like we were the only 2 people in the world. 

He has these eyes, the kind someone should write about. They are green, a light light green. Like the colour of dew drops on fresh green grass. His eyes were the kind that already knew all your secrets, they could see right through you, into your soul and reflect right back to theirs. They twinkled and I could have sworn they smiled at me.

He wore glasses that were far too big for him, he looked like an absolute nerd. I'm a sucker for a good old nerd. I don't know why.. They seem safer to be around, less BS you know? I met him while he was working. He's a store clerk. I can't even remember what else or who else was in the store. I just stood there, losing all my senses in the battle to act natural. 

He had big lips, that sounds strange I know, they weren't Jay Z big. They were a normal big. Like his lips went to the gym regularly.? Something like that. His hair was Brown, straight and fluffy. The kind you want to run your fingers through. And his voice made me forget how to breathe. 

The funny thing is.. He had such an impact on my memory, and he probably wouldn't even remember me. He doesn't know that I was in love for those few minutes. He doesn't know he helped me. 

Moral of the story, be nice to strangers, you might make their day and even years later, they might blog about you.     

Here's an idea, sort of.. he looked like a combination of these 3 people. A feature here an there reminded me of him.

Now it's back to reality

20 hours later, we are thrown back to reality.. Back in Pretoria, back to school... Back to all the things some of us try to avoid so desperately.

My last band geek tour was 12 days of love, hate and everything in between for the other bandies... Some grew closer, some grew apart and some just grew, in their own way. I got to know some kids and I started liking them.. And for some I only learnt how to handle them, just to keep the peace going.

Luckily we aren't forced to like each other, but we are expected to be civilised to one another, we are all there for the music. So all of us have at least one thing in common. If this tour taught me one thing, it was to live for the moments, because I knew this would be my last tour, and I wanted to remember the good about it all.

This tour also allowed me to break the vicious cycle I placed myself in since 2011, the first Cape Town tour.. It was hard to break, but it was indeed breakable. I finally can say I did the right thing. Two sayings popped into my head at some stage on this tour. They are opposites, but both carry some form of truth.

"Absense makes the heart grow fonder, but it sure makes the rest of you lonely"

-Charels M. Schulz

"Out of sight, out of mind. But that's with everybody"

-Kenard Lang

If you don't see someone for a while, you might miss them more or appreciate them more, but you might also find that you start to think of them less, which is a good thing because it gives you a chance to clear your head, and mine was quite cluttered. But I'm back again! for now until someone gets a spot in my heart that is. I guess I just wanted that thing people have when they're in love.

But I know now that I'll get there, it won't disappear or expire, all in due time child. Forget the rest, don't sweat the small stuff and just remember to breathe.

This one part in the music

I've wanted to blog about this for a while now, but I never like the way I attempted to write it. The words just weren't the right ones...

So today I will give it a try. There's always this one part in a music piece, that makes me melt away into my world.. But in a certain piece that we play.. The notes and chords melt into each other in such a way, I loose focus in my surroundings and I give in to my imagination.

It's at the near end of the piece which starts with the two drummer boys and builds up as the brass section joins in.. And then it starts.. with a piccolo solo providing the melody and I see Irish dancers everywhere. Soon after the reeds and weeds join, giving the solo some color..

All I see is thousands of Irish dancers in all the colors of the rainbow, taking over the world, even if it's just for a few moments.. Those moments are precious and the things memories are made of.

I just can't help wondering if the audience sees the dancers, and feel the same way I do.. But I guess they don't... That would be cool though.

If I could paint a picture of my thoughts everyone would just understand.

I shouldn't be alive

You know when you messed up and you are pretty sure you're in a lot of trouble?

I think I am a bit too used to that feeling.. I start making jokes about my funeral location and stuff, this is the phase I call denial.

Like today, I really screwed up.. And usually I am in trouble right after I commit the crime. But today I had to wait... The worst part is waiting.. You start thinking up scenarios of your death and so forth. You make jokes and nervously laugh, but everyone knows you are crying like a baby inside
But when the moment of execution came, I didn't die.. So that's cool! But I completely freaked myself out beforehand, but I think it was good. Expect the worst, you might be surprised. A Morbid term, but functional! The whole situation scared enough to get myself in gear not to mess up again.. It really does suck...

So when you're in trouble... Expect death, then the outcome may seem positive!


 dedicated to Marinus!!!!

The Adventures of The Traveling Bandgeeks: The Big Day

So it's the big day in the eyes of my fellow bandies. Tonight we hit the road to Cape Town.

But the preparation for this trip started months ago. We practiced and practiced some more so that we could be sure to be brilliant in Cape Town. Long hours of practice and conflicts have brought us where we are now.

The biggest stress of the preparation for this trip is the packing, oh packing for anything sucks really.. I loathe it in every way! I am not the type of person who packs light. My bag doesn't close unless my mom packs it. I am 17 years old and my mom still packs for my trips. That may be sad, but it's reassuring. I am reassured that the bag will close!

On the way back, my mom will not be there to help.. So I will fear that day and handle/stuff it into anything with space, even if I wear 3 sets of clothes on the way back. This is my last tour ever.. So it's bittersweet. I can literally not wait to finish school and everything connected to it. I would be lying if I said I won't miss the orchestra next year, but there is a life after school that has to be lived.

I'll miss the friends I made, the music, the practicing and the maestro. I'll miss that feeling I had when the music was just, perfect. That satisfaction is something I will never forget, but there are other things to be experienced and loved. I will always have the music and the memories to keep my soul company.

My times at the orchestra could be categorized as it's very own soap opera. It was there that I fell in love, in hate and in music. It changed me, in good ways and in bad ways, but other than letting people get under my skin, I have no regrets.

A quicky!!

Shoes are being shined.. Instruments are being cleaned and certified as spotless.. Some are practicing... Some are packing.. And I, am blogging. My last band tour has arrived, and tomorrow we leave to make memories. I will probably suffer a mental breakdown before I start packing because I do NOT pack light easily...

As of tomorrow I will be blogging about my bandgeek tour. We are leaving for Cape Town tomorrow night and I'll try to post something everyday if there's something worth writing about!

That's just me.

I was recently kind of "Called out" by my brother.. It actually hurt a little when he did it, but it hurt more when I realized he was kind of right.

The reason for the conversation isn't important. But it all came down to him saying that he doesn't place a person's intelligence under a microscope like I do. I didn't even notice I did that. Because no one told me I'm like that.

I am who I am for many reasons. I am impatient about most things, and a partial perfectionist - if that even makes sense to anyone else than me. If I want something done, it has to be done when I ask. If it isn't done at that moment, I do it myself. That's just who I am. I could apologize for being impatient with incompetence, but I'm not going to. If I stayed quiet about everything I found idiotic or imperfect to my standards, I wouldn't be who I am.

When I expect something out of a person, of course I'm going to consider their intelligence before I become too hopeful. I don't think I was ever naive in terms of people. I was always just realistic. That way I'm never disappointed. I tend to be morbid, it's easier and sometimes even surprising.

A lot of people don't like me. That's no secret, but I don't need their approval and they don't need mine.I know a few do like me, and that's actually good enough for me.