How to screw up easy mix pancakes in 10 easy steps

One would think it would be hard to screw up something as simple as easy mix pancakes. Let me assure you, it is quite possible, as sad as it may sound.

1. Enter the kitchen with over confidence
2. Don't read the instructions
3. Throw away the instructions
4. Act like Gordon Ramsay
5. Don't read the instructions
6. When you notice there's something off about the mix, continue in denial that it will get better.
7. When you later try to fix it, add water, oil, eggs and mezena with a hopeful heart
8. Don't read the instructions.
9. Taste the sludge, experience an epiphany, now scratch through the dustbin for the instructions, read them, feel like a moron. Imagine Gordon Ramsay asking you "how do you f#@$ up a premix you silly cow???
10. If you have followed these easy steps, congratulations, you now too can screw up a premix. ANY premix

 I am now completely depressed by this unfortunate event. I'm going to find myself a nice corner and have a good cry

The end. Die einde. Fine.

The band year has ended, my last band year. The place I felt safe and happy most of the time is gone now.

Everything ends, I know that. This time it's just scarier and sad. Finishing with the band is like a confirmation that I'm on my way to live my life. The one after school. I absolutely hate school, but the idea of growing up scares me. I am so unsure of everything.

I thought I would have had everything figured out by now. A certainty to calm me. I should know by now that life doesn't work that way. Being dependant on myself sounds great, but I know that there will always be times that I want my mommy. It doesn't matter how old or smart you are, there are just some things that only your mom can make better.

I'm a momma's girl and I'm proud. If all else fails call mom.

Stressing up about the small stuff.

I am once again starting to contradict myself.

As times change, emotions change along with them most of the time. Today you might be worried about something that seems incredibly important, but if you look back on it within 1 or two years, it seems mind numbingly pointless.

I think a person becomes someone different every few years, even if it happens slowly or really spontaneously. Not different like a contrast, just a new way of thinking or doing things. It's what people do, eat, poop, sleep and change, and not as in diapers. We as humans are stuck in moments that aren't supposed to be permanent. They're just temporary feelings that WILL change.

Obviously we don't think about things like that. All of us are a little selfish deep down, somewhere inside we do think of ourselves and what to protect and avoid for our own good. Even if it hurts people. Imagine how life would be if you thought ahead?? If you knew what was really important, if you didn't stress the small (temporary) stuff. Life would be, easy.

In my case I freak out about stuff and then, the next day I know it was completely idiotic. As unstable as I am sometimes, I enjoy these moments of having an epiphany. I also enjoy using words like epiphany. But that's beside the point. Bottom line: I am not crazy, all the time anyway.

A morbid tone

I hate my emotions sometimes.. I'm happy, I cry, I'm angry I'm a bitch... All in like one day, no it's not just being a teenager or PMSing.

I think my brain might be overloaded with crap.. Let's review. (clears throat) I'm trying to pass matric./ Senior year. I'm stressed about my friends. Band practise is like everywhere, every minute. My grandpa's alone since his wife died - not my gran(long story) I'm worried about next year, will I make it?? am I going to make my mom proud? Am I ever going to sleep again?? will I be able to do what I dream of doing one day??

Will I get a husband? or even a boyfriend-still haven't had one of those... Will I have kids?? If I do, how many? Boys or girls? how many pets will I have? what kind of phone will I have by the time I'm 50? If I even get to that age?

Then I remember... Holy shit, calm down you do not have the power to decide all these things right this minute. That freaks me out because I like being in charge of stuff and knowing what's coming next... But right now I have no idea.. I should get used to this, life is to expect the unexpected.. That and karma.. "Welcome to Life, may I take your order?? oh wait, this is karma, you get served what you deserve.. Don't piss her off, she's feisty.

Get used to not being in control of EVERYTHING. Things just can't work that way. Deal with it.

Excuse the morbid tone of my words. Everything just sucks right now.

The final curtain call

Nationals for the orchestra is happening today. I imagined the day would be chaotic and busy and hot.

Boy was I wrong. As we all know life can be quite a bitch, I have Laryngitis all of a sudden. So now I am laying on my bed with a respirator and an oxygen mask. Just to make things overly dramatic. Today is the last chance that I will have to be a part of my orchestra at Nationals.

Luckily I am going. I have Lots of meds on my side thank pharmacies!! One way or another, I will take my bow and have my final curtain call

I wanted to go out with a bang, but considering the unforeseen circumstances, I will be going out with a whisper..

Miscommunications

In this screwedup life, we have allowed ourselves to become set on people's opinions.

Since people are conniving bastards, they love to create more drama in situations where everything could have turned out just fine. I'm pretty sure doing that should be classified as a serious ailment or something.

Stuff like that just isn't normal! Why would you want to create more drama on purpose? And people wonder why I get anti-social... I've managed to figure out how to avoid becoming a part of the artificial drama, just don't talk,  at all, ever.
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Drama will always find a way to bite all of us in the ass. You just have to bite back. Hard and full of confidence. ♡ Don't let people define you who aren't even worth the air under your foot.

Legal

I am 18 today. It feels like 17 just +1.

It was a great day apart from writing french. And seeing a horrid child. I received most of my presents on my party, but I got a watch from my mom and some gaga perfume. She really gets me. I don't feel any different, just happy to be closer to finish school. I hate it so much, I could literally cry.

I also received some earrings from my matric farewell date. Little silver hoops. I love earrings! That explains all my ear piercings, I have 7 now. Anyways! I am another year older and on my way to live life, the real one. And I can't wait to live the life after school. I need some new people around me.