Freedom, I think?

So today was our last day of school for this term.

Finally, I nearly died! Going to school after exams is quite sucky. You feel brain dead during exams already! so going to school afterwards won't really improve much!

We are now on holiday, sort of? The rest of the school is on holiday.. But the matrics have this glorious hell known as Winter school. It's like summer school. But none of us are forced to go, by teachers at least. It's your own choice. Most kids decide to come because deep down, they know.. If they don't attend, record exams will become an even bigger bitch.

While the other kids stay home, go out and have lives.. We will be busy with work. It's around this time, many question their subject choices and life, if it's a severe case of course. I'm attending winter school for French and easy Maths -_-.. I'm still trying to avoid it but I think my mom has won this battle.

Good luck if you are STILL busy with exams or school etc. Be strong!!

If you are on holiday without school.. I hate you and please don't tell me how fun life is.  

New things become old too.

I love it when I have good luck. I have time periods of good luck sometimes, it's pretty cool!

For example,  I"ll ace a test, make a new friend, nail a trumpet solo, be on the radio, find a song I love and talk to a celebrity. All in one week!!! But I noticed with other people, when things go better with them, they forget about the good they already have. I guess I'm guilty too.

You become so entranced by the new best things, you forget about the old things that were the best at some stage and time. If you aren't careful, you'll lose it and miss it when the new turns out to be a disappointment. My vision minimizes on things that are new, my shiny new toys of life. I can only see the new until it ages as all things do.


People don't appreciate what they have while they have it, when that person is gone, you only want 5 more minutes with them. Just to say goodbye and make peace with it. But you can't. It's the horrible fact of the matter. Life doesn't give second chances, so you have to take the first one and own it. Say what you feel when you feel it and do something unexpected. What if... you like it?

Just my luck.

I want to be a Journalist/Radio DJ, so obviously I want some exposure to these things! A simple request.

I visited the offices of "Rapport" in December - It's a newspaper, just to get the feel of things in that environment you know? I heard about a competition on our local radio station that gives aspiring radio presenters a chance to be on air. 

So I thought "Oh wow! That sounds like fun! let's get the info on the radio's website." I read it all and right in the middle of the article stood: "We’re  looking for vibrant and fun personalities" Okay I have that.. "with a zest for life and a lot of ambition, specifically for radio." I believe I have that... "Preferably you need to speak both English and Afrikaans (although it ‘s not essential)" I can speak both!  "and must be over the age of 18." Really???? I hate my age...

I'm not allowed to drink (Not that I'm an alcoholic.) Not allowed to drive.. Not allowed to gamble( not that I want to be a gambler.) I don't like being restricted, at all. My age robs me of brilliant opportunities and fun! I truly detest my age... But in 86 days, I will be quite content with my age again..  

 
http://is.gd/ZVcWdO

Tears, fears and the past 5 years.

My family and I went to Bloemfontein for my grandfather's funeral. We left here on Thursday for the funeral that was on Friday, and we came back today.

It was an emotional journey from the moment we knew we where going. You see, Bloemfontein is not at the top of my list of favorite places at this stage. Every time I'm there I cry. For readers from overseas.. I live in Pretoria, and my grandparents lived in Bloemfontein. Facts about Bloem: 

• It's cold
• It's cold
• And it's REALLY cold.
• And in the summer it's really hot.
• If you're from Pretoria, it will take a while before you grow accustomed to the PMSing weather.
• Bloemfontein is 5 hours away if you drive, so it's 3 hours too far -_-

There's nothing wrong with the people there. Them I love.. It's just the reasons why we go there that make me a little teary eyed. The series of unfortunate events started a little more than 5 years ago. My granny passed in January and my dad passed the day after the funeral in Bloem. And during our latest visit we drove passed our fear, the hotel where my dad never woke up that day. 

I didn't recognize it at first because there was a gate and changes etc. It seemed strange to me at that moment. But I realize, 5 years have passed, and things change. I remember it all too well to believe that it has already been 5 years. Some things just stay in your head. No matter how badly you want to avoid the thoughts, it doesn't make them go away. But even though we are sad, the good memories will stay to mend us. 

Somehow I feel at peace. Bloem has taken my loved ones. But it is a home to loved ones too. It's not a bad place, just sad things at a good place.

"Box"

Let's get this out of the way. People are annoying. All of them in their own way.

There are a few exceptions you just cannot get used to. You have a burning urge to end them every time you see them. But once someone has annoyed you to a severe state, everything they do annoys the hell out of you. I have a "box" for these individuals. It's small and immensely uncomfortable. I enjoy imagining all the insects on my windscreen of life squished up in this box. When it all becomes to much, I like thinking that I have the power to throw this bitch in a fire, or the ocean.

And if that doesn't work, I go on my stress-buster. You add a photo and destroy it! with Guns, fire, paint, a chainsaw and even more fire. It does really help! It's probably not healthy for my mental being. When I see someone annoying, I just remember how I shot their faces off the previous night.  I might need to see a therapist with some good reviews.

If someone annoys you beyond life, shove that bitch in that "box" and pick water or fire or your preferred method of relief. The floor is yours! It's your "box" after all. Now go find it!

Post-exam blues

So exams are over and everything, that's good I guess. But it means we have to mentally prepare ourselves to receive our marks.

So some of us make our appointments upfront for therapists, life coaches and doctors in the unfortunate event of getting a beating. After tests, you feel relaxed that it's over and all that crap. But we forget a mere detail every time. Someone marks the tests, and we have to face our marks eventually, whether it's a 91 for Afrikaans or a really bad mark for Music that I would rather not mention on the internet.

When you get your tests back, you might feel, angry, relieved, sad, impressed or even indifferent-some tests have that effect of "screw it. It's over, what happens from here does not matter, this day is dead to me, just like the test" (along with the teacher in some cases.) Getting upset about a bad mark is useless. You won't be able to get your test marks higher.

  That would be cool, but no. Look at your mistakes and just try harder. Moaning surprisingly doesn't help jack shit. So keep calm and try again.

This one is for everyone who got less impressive marks this term.

We've made it this far.

No-one said life was going to be easy, but no-one mentioned it would be such a bitch either.

We all want the same thing. We want to make it, we want to be okay. A simple request. But you have to work for it and get hurt on the journey, it's a given. I'm still in school and I am among others who absolutely detest it. It has been 12 years of torment and learning certain stuff I will probably never find applicable in life.

There were good times with my friends, but school wasn't a necessity to make friends. It was probably needed for brain development, or even perseverance! To each his own I guess.. I think school sucks so much for me personally because of past bullies and current frustrations who are merely oxygen thieves in my eyes. And unneeded, like commercials during a movie!

But a wise friend's words of wisdom gave me hope, it was actually in connection with a test pile up, but I applied it to this last year of school in general. She said:"We will make it. I promise." and I thought, well we've made it this far, why wouldn't we??

Needed motivation: Received

  

To everyone who needs that extra bit of motivation